Still here - Confidence boosters 101

As one person commented on my last post, it looked a little bit like I might give up blogging for a while. I wasn't too sure myself as things have just felt so HARD of late. Lets see, the short list... we've had parents struggling with their health (and we are half a world away), we've been trying to buy a house for like EVER, and last year, I finally got pregnant but then miscarried just on the 3 month mark. Gah! Add in the smaller things like accounts, Christmas, a BIG cold, broken boiler, mortgage documents etc and it has felt a bit like we are dodging cricket balls thrown by an bowling machine. Whilst blindfolded. And naked.

The unrelenting nature of "stuff" has meant I haven't feel much like writing blog posts and putting myself out there. Now I'm sort of arising from the ashes, starting to feel like doing MORE. This is a good sign eh?  It has made me think about what one needs to do to get ones confidence up when it feels like it has been trampled into the carpet. This is a topic for everyone, I'm sure. In my current situation it has been life stuff, but sometimes it is work bullies or a bad relationship, and that requires additional armour. At least I could retreat and regroup because I work for myself.

Here is what I noticed has helped so far:

Giving oneself a break - beating yourself up does not help. Some of you, like me, might be familiar with the idea that, if beating oneself doesn't work, then it is clear you need a bigger stick. Yeah, still doesn't work. Much wasted energy, no improvement in mood or situation. It took me until I was about 40 to learn this, and I still do it, though now it is cunning and sly and sneaks around so I don't notice it straight away. It is easy to spot though... listen for the word "should". The stick appears at about the same time.

Being really kind to yourself. Sometimes you need a giggle at the telly (sadly, Friends re-runs still do it for me) and an early night. Sometimes you need that for 46 nights in a row. You can't speed it up, all you can do is let yourself do it.

Friends meets Boardwalk Empire. Image here

Do something you are good at. I felt better when I picked my knitting up. I'm pretty good at it, and am now teaching myself some fancier stitches. Getting into that, especially since it didn't matter how much I did, has helped. It is nice to admire ones handiwork and go - "I did that!"

Do something for someone else. I have a little niece to knit for, and that is neat. Also, being a good listener, smiling at strangers, cooking dinner, doing the dishes. They all count.

Bootie mark 1. Too big. Growing required

Put stuff in order. A bit of clearing out, or filing, or food planning, or even just matching your socks up. It helps you feel like you can make a difference, that you have some power. It is simple, but actually, so is that neuron in your brain that needs reminding that it is capable of doing stuff.

Treat yourself like a dog. Ha ha! That means proper food at the normal time (no matter how much chocolate you've had already). A daily walk, kind words and a game of chase the stick (or something else equally enjoyable).

5 things list. Instead of a never ending to-do list, have a today list, and put just five things on it. Or three things, or just one. And do it. The never ending list can be hidden from view until you are ready for the next thing. Make the thing a one job thing. "Call Kelly" = Yes. "Redesign summer range and choose fabrics and trimmings" = No.

What's your pick up tricks? Do share! These things are really things we should talk about often, don't you think? Far more helpful than moaning about the rain (OMG the RAIN!)

My good news is we are very close to completing on the house. VERY close. I'm not giving out any info until it is done and dusted, but if you could all send some good wishes our way, that would be appreciated. Ahhh... can't wait!

Shona x 

Why your resolutions might be failing about now

Right after Christmas and the New Year, when your house is finally cleared of tinsel,we get all encouraged by a new year and the clean slate it seems to bring. We vow that we are going to loose weight, change jobs, quit smoking/drinking/buying new stuff and instead we are going to be godly saints of wholesome amazingness. It feels GOOD.

But we forget that our brains are still foggy from all those chocolates, and while we are restless to get a move on with a NEW LIFE, actually, this is probably the worst time to force a hefty life change on ourselves. The thrill of the season is over, we either have months of bleak Winter ahead or we're on Summer holidays, when we are supposed to be basking in the warmth of the sun.

I find what I need most is less expectation but more routine. I need a bit more of a settled pace, healthy food to straighten out my brain, a bit more sleep. Big expectations that I can't live up to don't help because I just feel let down, and then I get busy with the big stick, some of you will know what I mean, the one that you beat yourself over the head with (metaphorically of course).

In getting back to a routine, I can accommodate simple strategies, such as more water, early nights, clear one thing off the mending pile a day, get out for a walk. It seems a bit simple, and it is, but it does produce results and the difference is I don't heap a heavy load on myself or expect massive rewards. Simple steps and incremental change feels good too.

I may not quite know yet what I want to change. After all, change takes effort and sometimes can be scary.  I find this time of year to be much easier to identify what I DON'T want. This usually brings about an early spring clean and trips to the charity shop. This might seem like just a clear out, but in choosing what can go, you are also mentally choosing what activities you don't need, such as those second hand tap shoes that seemed like a good idea at the time, but that was 8 years ago and you still haven't made a class. Either you find a class and give the shoes a whirl, or let them go and have a bit more space for what you do need.

You are left with things that lift you, or maybe even with mental blank sheet. Either way it clears the decks for new things, people, opportunities, and for authentic goals to appear.

It is not all dull and boring though. This time of year is also great for tidbits of inspiration; museum trips, new films, trying something different, wearing something different. Tiny re-en carnations of who you might want to grown into next. Who knows where it might take you?

So for me the new year, if I was clever and broke it down, would be about the following steps:

1. Noting what I don't want and letting it go

2. Getting back to a routine

3. A bit of new inspiration

4. Rinse and repeat

Then, by the end of January I am usually quite enthused and have some new authentic goals that I want to move towards. And they tend to be smaller, like just month long, or 3 months long. Soon enough that the goal post can be glimpsed from tippy toes as it glistens in the sunlight.

How about yourself, do you have a bit of a theme for this time of year?

The pictures in this post have been bought to you by two calendars that are fun and inspiring to me. The first is Kitten von Mew's calendar and you can purchase it here. You can see how very good it is since I have taken photos of it and blown it up and it still looks great! That is thanks to Kitten and Candee Photography.
The funny quotable inspirations is a "Love every Minute" calendar from The Bright Side.

Shona x